mellifluous mendicant

Its good to know that we are dissatisfied with our current life. Ironically, isn't this what we had lived for till now? How frustrating it is to know the futility of all our efforts. How hopelessly miserable we find ourselves when we seem to be there, but nowhere is in sight that inner bliss towards which all our efforts were directed. As I said earlier, its good we realize all our mistakes in trying to get happiness from all our useless efforts, but it is outright foolishness not to do anything about it. Just because we failed to get the real happiness doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It simply means we were looking at the wrong place.

To be happy we have to know what is that which will make us happy. So there are 2 things- an entity that is hankering for happiness, and the thing in relation to that entity which would make it happy. Only when we get proper knowledge about both of these that we can get real peace of mind, real sense of satisfaction. If we don’t know where to find the answers for these questions, which is true in most cases, at least it was for me, then we need to be humble enough to accept our ignorance and approach someone who can show us the way. I assure you that only our true desire to get knowledge from an unadulterated source will bring us to that source.

You might have guessed that next I would speak of spirituality, and GOD. I would strongly recommend that u read what GOD had to say about these matters of our self. Know what GOD suggests as a solution to all our problems. Go ahead and read BHAGAVAT GITA- As It Is, by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. We have tried so many things. Why not try out this suggestion? So read this book, and change your life.

NOTE:
1) The book can be purchased from any leading bookstore, or can be borrowed from any library of repute
2) A pdf copy is available here to download
3) An online edition of the book, BHAGAVAT GITA- As It Is, by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, is available at the following link
4) Another online edition of the book, BHAGAVAT GITA- As It Is, by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, is available at the following link.

I am lost.

I am 25, and I am lost.

All these years, I did all that the society asked me to do. I let society chart the course of my life’ journey, and I followed it to the “T”.
I let everyone decide what was good for me- everyone, except me. Do I feel guilty for my actions? I would lie if I answered in negative.

I let everyone dictate the terms and spell out the rules of an endless, and audacious game in which I pretended to be anything but my true self. I was true to everybody, but me. I played a game I never wanted to.

And now I am lost.

Trying to follow what I was “supposed” to do rather than what I “wished” to do, I have lost all my wishes, and with that my very self.

I am weak. I am helpless in front of an invisible enemy. I stand no chance to an enemy who derives his strength from the fact that I stand on the other side of the fence.

Too many people are in favour of that which I am against. Does it show that I have erred on a very basic premise? Is there a need to revisit the ethics, the teachings, and the beliefs I was taught to adhere to?

How can I be such a big misfit? How can there be such gross contradictions in my thoughts, my words and my actions and that of the people with whom I spend my life? How can I be so cruel to ignore “my-way” of doing things?

Why should things be as they are now?

Have I truly understood things as they are? Is there more to it?

Things aren’t as simple as they teach you in schools. Why not?

Is there a reason to what I am? Is there a reason to why I am what I am, and not someone else? Is there a reason why I am a human being?

Is there more to life than mere earning a decent livelihood, settling down with a family? Is there more to life than just sleeping, eating, mating, and defending? Think of it, all I have done so long is either one of these four basic activities, either explicit or some implicit, sophisticated and polished version of the same.

Is that all to life?

Other than going to the best school, the best college, availing the best amenities that this consumerist society has to offer? Settling for a nice, comfortable job that pays you more than your father’ highest pay, or, even more than your grandfather’ cumulative pay for his life? What else is life meant for?

Yes, there is more to life. Believe me there is. Yet to be unravelled by my humble self, I continue on my journey to discover life.

Looking for answers, still.